Sacrebleu!
Tubes of green grass, crisp and refrigerator-fresh are pushing through the ground. Snow has melted from low-down. The ice is but a distant memory. Winter has gone…
… long live the spring.
My winter finished with a flurry of activity… But I decided at the beginning of this blog-trip, it wouldn’t be one of those – this is what I’ve been doing, suck it up and sit suffering in your office – well not all of the time anyway – and this is not one of those times… In fact it’s the opposite.
Through the winter I was savaged on a website by the high profile French climber, Jeff Mercier.
http://www.kairn.com/article.html?id=1493
What is it with the internet that people loose all ability to be civil? In general it now appears fine to slag people without bothering to collect the true facts or first contact the person. Mr Mercier accused me of hype and glorifying Tim Emmett and my ascent of La Lyre in the Fer-a-Cheval cirque. (Well I think he was talking about me, he didn’t come out and say Nick Bullock, he just said an English climber and used the initials NB…come on Jeff, grow up a tad eh!) He accused me … sorry, NB of being a fraud by claiming I had climbed a super hard climb that was in easy condition, and it was only the fact the climb was in France, and not Britain, that stopped folk finding out about my bullshitting. (Hmm, not many Brits come to France on Easyjet then?) He also stated that it could not have taken us from 7am till 11pm car to car as this was an inordinate amount of time for such a climb and the reason behind my hyping was to keep sponsors happy.
Now I have thought long about these accusations and in my defence I would say read my posting from the La Lyre ascent in this blog, its titled WILD MATE, and ask yourself if this is the type of account a person seriously seeking sponsor acclaim would write. (Well that’s if you can read the essay as my blog is generally down for 3 weeks of every month… That in-itself leads to another question, me being the media whore that I obviously am why don’t I get another blog as they are free?). So I can only assume that Mr Mercier did not read my blog, or he did not understand the subtleties of British humour. Whichever it is, I would have expected someone who was making such a personal attack to be very certain of his facts before publishing them. The thing I find quite amusing about my original post is how I actually make fun of all of the things that appear to have gotten Mr Mercier so angry and accusing me of seriously doing.
In my writing I very rarely mention grades, unless they are to give a route description or are quoting a guidebook description. Grades are very subjective and they don’t really matter. The experience is what is important.
Grades especially don’t matter in a winter environment, so in the future to keep folk happy I promise never to quote a guidebook grade, my personal thought on a grade, my partners thought on a grade, or any other climbers take on a grade… Grades are out, burn all guide books, all topo’s, and for anyone who dare utter a grade, be it inflated, deflated or correct, you will also be burnt as grades are obviously the devils spawn and only there to please sponsors. (This by the way is irony in case anyone has missed it.)
The Length of time the climb took was exactly the time stated. Tim and my ascent of La Lyre was the first ascent of the climb that winter, and as anyone who climbs ice will know, the first ascent takes longer than subsequent ascents due to the necessary cleaning and having no pre-pick placements ready to conveniently hook. It then took us three hours to descend placing v-threads all the way. All subsequent ascents would have used our placements and our abseil anchors to speed their ascent and descent. (I hope you liked them Jeff?) Finally, both Tim and I are from that little island across the channel and certainly not like Mr Mercier, a world champion climber, (ok, the Emmett does have bloody massive arms and can pull down a tad but he is still English!) so give us a break we’re British and slow.
[side note: Tim’s wife was calling quite often on our expert 2 hour and fifteen minute stumbling, rock falling snow grovelling ski out as she was worried and wanted to go out on the town as it was the party season. So Mr Mercier if you have a contact in the FBI or Interpol or whatever the French version may be… possibly the brotherhood of the ENSA ring which meets once a month in the cellar below the headquarters in Chamonix to discuss any non French Alpinists who dare claim first ascents and then heaven bid, publicise the ascent, get them to check the phone call times and replay the conversations between Tim and his wife Katie… “Yes dear, I know we were at the top of the climb at 5pm and now its 10pm, but we’re British!” And that will prove the time issue. Oh, and I hope you liked the track in and the track out that we made?]
The amusing thing about being accused of sponsor appeasement is the fact that I struggle to get anything at the moment from my clothes sponsor including answers from my e-mails, and the thought of getting a wage or something that would make me feel like I had to prove my worth is really laughable. If Mr Mercier had taken the time to find just a little about his chosen subject or spoken to a few folk who know me, or even take that radical step of e-mailing me he would realise the absurdity of his self professed rant.
I was also accused of being disrespectful of Thierry Renault by claiming the climb had taken us a day and Renault had taken 2 days… Ray Wood reported the undisputable facts from the history of the climb on the DMM website. The first ascent did have one bivvy and the climb was given grade 7... This is undisputable. I did not tell Ray Wood what to write, he is after all his own man. Lindsay Griffin also wrote an account of our ascent on the BMC website featuring much of the same history. I am not sponsored by the BMC so what was Lindsay’s agenda for hyping our ascent I wonder?
Thierry Renault was a master. He climbed La Lyre in 92, climbing the wall to the right of the first icefall of the final three pitches we climbed. Mr Mercier claimed the final three pitches were 5+, well all I can say to that is, you are obviously very good at climbing ice to the point that you can climb grade 6 – or if you climbed direct up the front of the middle pitch as we did, 6+, and you thought it was 5+, well done, you are obviously very talented.
What an achievement by Renault to climb successfully La Lyre in 92, given the equipment available at the time. In fact Renault’s achievements along side Damilano and Twight were probably what inspired me to climb ice in the first place. Renault was way ahead of his time and a legend.
So what is the agenda and what do I want to get out of it?
Hold onto your crash hats…
Let me start by clearing up one possible misconception. My climbing ability is nothing special. (Hang on, he’s a sponsored hero, he shouldn’t be saying that… ah, I can hear it now on Mr Mercier’s sponsors site, (!?) (False modesty, reverse psychology, he can’t really mean this…) But no…better believe it… I’m doing nothing in technical climbing that most folk out there, given the time and dedication and positive mental attitude couldn’t do… So if you do want to do it, get off your arse and do it… Nothing would make me more happy than the thought of just one person reading this and thinking yes, I can do that and then to use an Emmett phrase “having it…”
I think if anything, the only difference with my climbing and most out there is the repeated joy I receive from challenging my personal boundaries and the subsequent return from a climb to comfort.
Being in the hills is special. Watching clouds being cut by the razor-tops of jagged mountains is special. The sun setting – the sun rising – the sun setting … the smell of anticipation and fear and then finally crawling back into society from three days out with the tourists at the telepherique smelling of soap and deodorant is special. Pushing my body to its physical limit, the complete knackered state of muscle and mind, going from comfort, to hostility, and then back to comfort at this moment is the only way I know. I do not play at this game it’s for real and from the heart.
So Monsieur Mercier, I’m sorry you felt the need to rant without first finding out the facts and talking to me. That’s a shame, I’m sure you are an OK guy and like most of the folk I know who are out there, you are just trying hard to do your thing and have fun… How about the next time you want to get something off your chest try thinking for a while longer before making a personal attack about someone whom you know very little about other than what you have read.
C est la vie!
Ps, three links to how my winter finished. Note: other peoples sites as I do not want to be accused of hyping. “Oh my God, the world has gone hype, up-our-own-arse-mad…”
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7491393@N03/sets/72157615682410216/
http://www.mountain equipment.co.uk/news/latest_news/article/default.asp?article=149
http://ianparnellphotography.blogspot.com/